


Emission Standards

by brooklynapple



Series: Kinktober 2020 [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Comeplay, Magic Strap, Multi, Strap-Ons, background tentacles, marvel at the genius of constance von nuvelle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:01:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27293845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklynapple/pseuds/brooklynapple
Summary: Constance's breathtakingly brilliant magic strap has an interesting side effect. She enlists Yuri and Hapi to help her investigate it, with predictable results.
Relationships: Hapi/Constance von Nuvelle, Hapi/Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc/Constance von Nuvelle, Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc/Constance von Nuvelle
Series: Kinktober 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949875
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Emission Standards

**Author's Note:**

> My final Kinktober 2020 piece is some lighthearted Yurihapistance! I love Constance in all of her super extra, incredibly confident glory. She and Hapi and Yuri are the perfect trio for some magic strap hijinks. Enjoy!

“Thank you, loyal assistants, for assembling here today to help me test my latest ingenious creation!” 

Constance stands behind a table in a laboratory deep within the bowels of the Abyss, addressing an amused-looking Hapi and Yuri. Lying on the table is a very sparkly purple dildo, black leather harness, and innocuous-looking glass jar.

“Why all the fanfare, Coco?” Hapi drawls. “Didn’t you and I just test that last night when you asked me to ride your-”

“That wasn’t the kind of testing I’m talking about!” Constance interrupts quickly. Her cheeks darken with a dusting of pink. “Both of you have had the privilege of experiencing this implement after I infused it with potent magic of my own brilliant devising. So you know that it behaves as though it were an actual appendage of the person wearing it.”

“Oh yes,” Yuri smirks. “We most certainly have had that privilege.” They lick their lips appreciatively.

Constance ignores them and continues. “You are therefore also aware that this spell causes the implement to emit a mysterious magic substance when stimulated, also similar to the actual body part it mimics.”

Hapi rolls her eyes. “Yeah Coco, we know your magic dick can make magic come. It’s great. So why are we here, again? Are we all gonna bang?” She grins at Yuri and gives them a high five.

Constance sighs. “Have neither of you ever wondered exactly what the substance is that comes out of this toy? Or what it can do?”

Yuri’s eyes widen. “Are you suggesting that your sparkly purple toy there might be able to make magic babies? Or something even more sinister? This could have real implications for our bottom line.”

“Precisely my point.” Constance raps the table as she speaks. “The magic substance emission was an unintentional byproduct of the spell I devised. I have no idea what it does or where it comes from. Naturally, this means that rigorous and extensive testing is required. And that, my most intrepid and devoted assistants, is where  _ you _ come in.”

She puts her hands on her hips and strikes a determined pose. Yuri and Hapi exchange skeptical glances. Then they shrug.

“Sure, why not? Count us in. What do we have to do?” Hapi pulls off her shoes and starts shrugging out of her shirt. Yuri follows suit, fastidiously unbuttoning and unlacing their more complicated attire.

Constance beams and steps out of her skirt to buckle the harness around her waist. “Excellent! The plan calls for you to stimulate the implement while I’m wearing it, and when it emits the substance we will capture it in this jar and analyze it!”

“So you want us to jack you off and then make you come into that jar? Got it.” Hapi grins wickedly. “Yuri-bird, do you wanna go first or shall I?”

“Oh by all means, allow me.” Yuri rolls up their sleeves and joins Constance behind the table. Hapi hops up on the table and props her head on her hands to watch.

Constance puts a hand on the dildo and traces patterns on it with her fingers, murmuring under her breath. Her eyes flash bright purple and the toy is enveloped in a burst of blinding energy. When it fades, the toy no longer looks stiff and artificial - it is soft and pliant in Constance’s hand, though it is no less purple and sparkly. Constance’s mouth quirks with the hint of a triumphant smile.

Yuri presses close to Constance from behind and puts their hand over hers, gently stroking the toy. “I don’t suppose you happen to have brought any oil for this little experiment, my dear?”

Constance sighs and leans back against them. “Regretfully I did overlook that one detail. We will have to make do without it. I assure you that you’re doing an admirable job already.”

Indeed, the toy is already half-hard in Yuri’s hand and Constance’s breath is coming faster. Yuri surveys their handiwork and gracefully sinks to their knees in front of Constance.

“Ah well, without oil we’ll just have to do this the old fashioned way. Luckily the lipstick I’m wearing complements this toy’s shade nicely.” Without further fanfare, they slide the purple cock into their mouth and begin vigorously sucking, their head bobbing up and down. 

Constance’s reaction is immediate. With a hiss of indrawn breath, she places a hand on Yuri’s head. “Yuri! I-that’s very nice, but I implore you to relent just a bit lest this experiment end before it even begins!”

She bites her lip and attempts to slow their pace, but Yuri simply hums around the purple cock and takes it deeper into their throat. Constance bites back a moan and shudders.

"By the goddess...nrg....FUCK...Yuri!!" Her hips spasm once, then twice, and Yuri makes a contented noise. As they finish, Constance is panting and sweaty and very, very annoyed. "Your inability to follow instructions made me finish in your mouth and now we have no evidence to analyze! We shall just have to start over again! Pay attention this time!"

Behind her back, Hapi smirks and gives Yuri a thumbs up. "Yeah Yuri, didn't you know you were supposed to spit and not swallow?"

“Alas, I must have gotten carried away. I suppose that means it’s your turn now, Hapi.” Yuri stands, wipes their mouth with a flourish, and goes to find their pants.

Hapi slides off the tables and gives Constance a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t worry Coco, we’ll get some of your come in the jar this time, promise! Do you need to magic it up again?”

Constance blushes, more from the kiss than the question, and considers. “Hmm, no, I believe it’s still...yes, it’s still drawing magic from my body. The spell is still active. Now then.” She straightens her posture and attempts to look as dignified as she can while still wearing a glittery purple strap-on. “Let’s be a bit more attentive to our goal this time, shall we?”

“Of course, Coco,” Hapi purrs. She sidles up to Constance and begins stroking the strap gently. “Hello there, friend. Remember me from last night?” 

The purple cock twitches, and Hapi makes a small, excited noise. “Huh, whatever you are, I’ll bet you’re at least part tentacle.” She smiles fondly and strokes it almost like a pet, sinking down on her knees to place a kiss on its head.

Constance watches Hapi with an incredulous yet aroused expression. “Hapi are you trying to engage my magic sex implement in  _ conversation _ ? I assure you that’s not necessary for-”

“Shhhh, Coco, we’re having a moment. I think it likes me.”

Constance opens her mouth to object, but stops as she realizes that the toy is indeed swelling under Hapi’s tender touch. Hapi coos to it and places kisses along its length, and Constance would feel almost like a third wheel if she weren’t so incredibly turned on.

Hapi curiously sniffs a strange substance oozing out the tip of the strap. She extends the tip of her tongue and takes a tiny taste. "Hmm. Licorice. That’s new. Not bad, Coco."

“Interesting,” Yuri mused. They were fully dressed again and leaning against the table watching. “I tasted sweet buns. Could the flavor change according to the preference of the person tasting it? Remarkable.” 

Hapi begins suckling the tip of the strap, coaxing out more of the licorice flavor. Constance whimpers and places a cautionary hand on Hapi’s head.

“Hapi, I-I implore you, remember our aim! We -  _ oh goddess _ \- we should learn more about this substance that you are devouring so eagerly!”

Hapi grins and pulls the strap from her mouth with a pop, giving it one last lick for good measure. “Don’t worry, Coco. I’m sure that between you and my new friend here, we can get some of your magic come in that jar. Right little guy?”

She gives the toy a firm stroke and it twitches again in her hand, making Constance go cross-eyed. “Get the jar, quickly!” 

Yuri hands the jar to Hapi with a smirk, and watches as Hapi expertly brings Constance to completion with rapid strokes along the spit-slick toy. Constance’s hips spasm and she lets out a moan as the purple cock emits an opaque, faintly-glowing substance into the jar.

“See Coco? We did it! Go team!” 

Constance collapses onto the table as Hapi holds up the jar to closely examine the substance. She dips a finger in and brings it to her lips. “Still tastes like licorice, but maybe not as strongly as before? Can the magic fade from this stuff?”

She dips another finger in and offers it to Yuri. They grimace with distaste, but gingerly lick it off. “I still taste sweet buns, though they taste slightly stale now. Hmm.”

Hapi rubs the substance between her fingers and tilts her head thoughtfully. “I’m uh, not sure how we could test if it can get someone pregnant without actually, you know, trying to get someone pregnant. Which seems like a bad idea. It’s nice and slippery, though. You could definitely use it instead of oil!”

Yuri raises one eyebrow appreciatively. “Well, if nothing else, we could turn a tidy profit marketing them as von Nuvelle’s amazing self-lubricating magic cocks. How do you like the sound of that, Constance?”

“Vulgar, but effective.” Having mostly recovered, Constance turns onto her side and props herself up on one elbow. “Yet we are still no closer to discovering what this substance is.”

“I still think whatever magic you’re casting infuses the toy with some portion of a tentacle beast,” Hapi says. “I know a naughty tentacle when I see one. And while it’s true that people summon tentacles for sexy reasons all the time, I’ve never asked if anyone ever ended up with cute little baby tentacles as a result. But I’ll bet we would have heard about something like that happening. So if that’s the case, maybe this stuff is safe?”

“I’m not sure I’d be willing to bet my business reputation on that reasoning,” Yuri remarks. “It just takes one unfortunate incident with the promising heir to some great noble house, and there goes our magic sex toy fortune.”

“In that case, we shall simply have to conduct more testing.” Constance sits up, a determined look on her face. “In the name of science, of course. Now then, Yuri, off with those pants! And Hapi, I hope I can count on you to charm my tentacle again this evening.”

“Is  _ that _ what they’re calling it these days?” Yuri says dryly. 

Hapi snorts. “Somehow all of our science experiments keep ending up like this. Ah well, we’ve all gotta do our part for progress, right Coco?”

“Indeed, I appreciate both of your dedication to rigorous testing,” Constance says, lying back on the table and smiling at the promise of another long, arduous night in the lab.

**Author's Note:**

> For more smutty (and wholesome) content, you can follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/quorniya).


End file.
